The 'C' word

I laugh at most vulgar words, it's kind of just a twisted sense of humor I have. I think that if you take the power away from any inappropriate word, it no longer has the same effect nor meaning. Moist, I don't understand the big deal about this word. Are you that filthy of a human being that you can't just use the word without feeling dirty from it? Panties, I've heard this one pop up as bothersome too for people, I just don't know why. That is what women wear after all, or don't, to each their own. Let's also not forget the vast list of derogatory names that are thrown around that should make us all cringe if we are even the least bit of a decent human being. The 'F' word for the homosexual community makes me physically sick when I hear it; whether meant to be mean or used out of ignorance, I hate it. Don't use it, educate yourself with a better vocabulary.

So then there's my dreaded 'C' word that I can't stand. I say "my" because lately it's been used towards me more than once so now I have to address it. It throws me against a wall and frustrates me beyond words. Most the time, I can't even compose myself enough to even give back an appropriate response which isn't like me.  I know I can't be the only one I know that has had people use it in such a sharp tongued manner, I guess I'm still trying to figure out how to not be offended by it, how to take the power out of it, and ultimately how to respond to it. Alright, hold tight because we're diving right in.

If you know me, know anything about me or have been paying the least bit attention, you know I'm not talking about the word 'c*nt' - see, I can be nice for those of you that can't stand that 'C' word. That 'C' word makes me laugh, it's that twisted sense of humor. I laugh because people, men especially, will jump to that word so quick because they want to cut through you like a knife. If you respond with, "Yes! I love that word!", there goes the power, it shuts down men (and women) because there's not usually anything deeper than that word.

My 'C' word is convert. When I ask people to come to church, when I talk about the goodness Christianity could bring to a friend's soul, when I talk about sharing God with family, they always come back with that stupid word of convert.

"I'm not going to convert or anything." - "What if you try to convert them or us?" - "Are you asking me to convert?"

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am very clear on the definition of the word convert, however when you say it, it's like you're saying it with such disgust; like I just asked you to lick a cow on a 90 degree day.

For me, being a Christian is a choice I make, a choice that puts my restless and weary soul at rest, a choice that helps me carry on with days that I know I am a sinner and feel less than worthy, a choice that makes me feel safe, gives me confidence to make smarter decisions, a choice that ultimately makes me happy, and a choice that helps me forgive myself for the wicked past that I try to leave behind. I do not like it when you make me feel wrong for being a Christ follower, for sharing the Word of God, or for believing that there is one true God who is very clearly written throughout the Bible and not throughout bylaws of organized religions. If you attend a church that does not accept someone into their faith without rules, regulations, and bylaws, how do you not see that as being an issue? The church I attend may be a 40 minute drive for me, but I'm home when I'm there, and I know that when I bring someone with me, they're welcomed with open arms and wouldn't be shut out.

My mission isn't to convert anyone, my mission is simply to be able to enjoy my desire to talk about God, to worship God, and to share God. And recently my heart was broken when I was made to feel like I was wrong for believing in the one God who created us all. If while I am sharing my love and joy for the Lord, you find your way there too, my heart will beat ten fold for you. Recently my faith and religion was publicly shamed and brought me to tears, but I'll never forget one very defining moment in my life. My dad, who never really attended church with us, who I have always prayed for, who I never knew where he really stood in his heart with God reminded me while I stood there trying to suppress tears, there is only one God.

Watch me whip .... this party into shape

After Delila's 10th birthday party, I told her we probably weren't doing them anymore because I usually always exceed any budget I set for myself, no matter how much I try to tell myself I'm not going to. I can't help it, I'm a party planning extraordinaire and my ideas flow endlessly. Every year is a theme, and every thing surrounds the theme, from outfits, to food, decorations, gifts, down to the card and wrapping paper I use; and the budget is enough to be considered stupid, and the cake, the cake is the show piece. It's kind of gross how excited I get when someone lets me pick out a cake design.

Prior years, I would start planning for the next year's birthday the days following what birthday had just passed. But I hadn't done that for this upcoming birthday. I didn't want to do a party, I had hoped I could replace a single life moment with several more memorable ones. I've done some fantastic things for her in the last year, two of which was a week road trip out east along side a last minute, over spent, concert she was just "dying" to go to, signed poster and all. She's went to her first Blackhawks game and I drove her to Milwaukee for an Ariana Grande concert she wanted to see. Moments. Moments I hope she loves as much as I have.

So where are we?

We are two weeks away from another birthday, another year behind us (thank goodness because it's had a lot of lows for us), but more importantly heading into another year together ahead of us. And she wants a party. I have learned as she's gotten older to down scale the guest list, which helps, plus as she gets older, now that she's a tween, there's less for the family to do and more for her to do with her friends. All the fault to my own, since I haven't been planning for the last year, I'm putting together a party in less than two weeks time. Fear not, because if you remember from above, I'm a party planning extraordinaire.

I'm not giving out details as to what is going on for it yet, although I will say that this year is slightly less about the party and more about the gifts; that's where I'm putting my heart into this year. I just hope that as my daughter ventures deeper and deeper into the dark side of tween-age and teenage years, she holds tight to the times Mom made her smile vs the times Mom took away her cell phone. I have endured hell for her, I would move mountains for her, and I know she's in a spot in life right now where I'm not a shining star for her, but nothing and no one, can ever take away the love, admiration, and devotion I have for her. She is my one, my only, my absolute beginning and end.