Reflection or Deflection?

Lucille Ball once said, "One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself."

Tonight I had a very perplexing and challenging conversation with a friend that in the beginning lead me down a dark path about my own life that I didn't want to be on, only to find out I was right and had no business to be there. I want to break down the screenshots of the conversation, not to out said friend, but to point out some very important life lessons. I've concealed their identity for their sake. 

<----  Here's kind of where it all started. There obviously is small talk before this but this is where the conversation got "interesting" for a lack of a better word. I'm not entirely sure how they went from my daughter coming home to me being unhappy. I promise nothing had been said prior to this other than the fact that we were heading home after I worked today. 

One of the largest things that bothers me about friendships is that if you want to start a conversation, especially one of intense caliber, don't just quickly bow out when questions get asked of you. Own your shit. If you want to talk, if you're concerned about someone, or if you really want to say something own it. Ask, speak, and follow thru!

  <---- Here's where it picked up again and where it really started stirring my emotions. The first observation of my life, being "hectic but working on it" felt like an insult. It also was the first rabbit hole for me. 

Was this how people are viewing my life? Is this why I'm single? Is this ultimately my turnoff to men?? Rabbit hole!

This rabbit hole became deep and quick. It was stirring up thoughts and emotions that aren't allowed to rent space in my head any longer. I know who I am, why am I allowing comments like these to infiltrate the goodness of who I am at my core?

----> Wait a minute!! When the hell did I say that I wasn't settled?! I mean sure you could see it that way, and I could see it that way but my life not being settled has more to do with my back story of being a prisoner under my ex than it does with anything else. I feel like the "same observation" comparison is just a wee bit off base. 

 And about right here is where I took back control. I took back control of the conversation but also on the viewpoint of my life. This is MY life, and no one gets to dictate how good or bad it is except for me. Also rest assured that if you're going to use vocabulary, or descriptive words, you better be damn sure you're using them in the correct context or I'll be right on your ass to correct you. 

And it's the truth, I enjoy busy as much as I enjoy quiet. If you knew me, you'd know that. 

<---- Again, let me reign in this conversation because I don't like it one bit. Right about here is my mic drop. 

Also in the meantime, I'm reaching out to other friends who know me quiet well, as well as new friends just to see if in fact my life from the outside seems hectic. Maybe by chance I am missing the bigger picture. (Don't worry, I wasn't.) What I was learning from my other friends was that yes, I am in fact busy, but that doesn't qualify as a bad thing. Also that could it be possible that this friend in the conversation is actually in fact unhappy in their own life, and they're projecting that upon me? Why would someone do that? Was it worth finding out?

----> I was completely dumbfounded by someone telling a mother, a single mother that they can fail. I can't fathom the logic behind that. If I fail, who is there for my daughter? Who shows here what resilience, perseverance, and being strong are about? 








It was most certainly worth finding out.

<---- And here is where the truth in the whole conversation was sitting. Right there the whole time. They are unhappy in their life, and they were imposing it upon me for whatever reason. There wasn't a reflection in their mirror of life, but actually a deflection. And in that are grave consequences. 

Very quickly after I confronted the true issue, as you can see, the conversation was abruptly ended. 

I worry now for this friend. I don't want to see them unhappy or not content with their life. I also am sad that they couldn't answer as to why they were. I know that anxiety of life and the discontent. I'm not saying I'm not ever there, but I certainly do my best never to take up residence there. I pray for peace for this soul. I also hope that when they feel comfortable confronting their own struggles without assuming mine, that they'll reach out again and know that I am here for them and their struggles.

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/lucillebal121868.html?src=t_busy

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/lucillebal121868.html?src=t_busy

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/l/lucillebal121868.html?src=t_busy

When She's the One and Only

"How's your daughter?"

"She's amazing!" 

And then there it is. That completely empty, all too frequent, blank stare from the person asking the question. I am not one to lie so I don't fully understand the look.

I finally had to talk this one out with my best friend recently because it's become weird and uncomfortable for me. 

Listen, I know my daughter will be 13 this year and I get the concept that that's when girls are suppose to start being nightmares, but I'm sorry (??) mine isn't. Here's the thing, I truly believe that I was born to be a mother. I have poured everything I have had into raising my daughter into a good and decent human being. I worked hard to correct behavior, I spent nights crying over being the bad guy, and I've often wondered if what I am doing in the moment is the right thing when it's just me to make that call and I don't have any support. 

I remember a moment when she was about 2 or 3 and my mother said to me, "you're too hard on her and you expect too much from her". That moment sticks in my head because I couldn't understand what she meant by that. My face probably looked like that picture above. Did she mean that by making my daughter behave, by making her listen, and by making her understand rules and consequences at an early age, that I was putting too much on my girl? Because if that's what she meant, then by all means, I'm glad I was that way!

Look where we are at almost 13, my daughter is incredible! She is intelligent, diplomatic, inquisitive, behaved, open, compassionate, giving, and so much more! Does she have bad days? Of course, but her good far outweighs her bad. Does she get under my skin? Of course, but that's usually because the introvert in me has taken over. Does she get mouthy? Of course, she's almost 13!

But if you're going to ask me a question like how she's doing, I'm going to give the most honest and proper response that encompasses the largest portion of our lives, and that is that she is amazing. 

So today while out, I had to stop in at the jewelry store that I work at, and while we were there we started talking about birthstones because she saw a necklace she liked but it was December's stone. So we walked over to hers and started looking and just talking. I then saw a ring that I had forgotten we had which contained two main stones. Her birthstone and mine. In my most cheesy mother like tone, I said "look it's both our birthstones". Thinking this girl was going to shame me and think it was cheesy, but she shocks me and likes it! Not only does she like it but she then says, "we could have matching rings". After I took a moment to come back to reality, it was a done deal. I bought my daughter her ring and will have mine shortly. 

It's these moments that make my heart swell and remind me that I have done the most amazing job of raising her. I can't really question why God only gave me one child because I think he gave me the best one there is to have.