Like a Dollar

Music is a powerful gift and comes in so many different forms and languages, as Adele puts out a new song, 'Hello', it says a lot. As I'm sure it will get old quickly as most overplayed things do, but at the moment, for anyone who connects to it and can understand it, the amount of remorse that is amplified within that song is what so many not only feel, but also want to hear from someone. I've seen that most people love the song, understandably so, with a few that just don't like it.

For those that don't like it, I wonder about them. I wonder what guilt they're trying to run away from. What apologies that should give, or what apologies they're denying they'd want to hear. It's completely unfair to let someone fall for you and then just simply walk away from them. That's a total mistreatment of another soul. To be an adult, is to explain yourself, to apologize for your wrongdoings, and to ask for forgiveness. I personally have had to apologize to people I have wronged; sometimes they accept it, sometimes they just ignore me. That's something they need to deal with within themselves, I however have cleared my guilt for hurting someone. As I should, because it's wrong.

What angers me though is when you knowingly deceive someone to gain an advantage with them. You may use the past you've had with them to play into their want to have a future with you, you may use they're interests, passions, or faith to get your foot in the door; whatever it may be, it's wrong to use someone and then just simply walk away from them only because you had something inside you short circuit and it was nothing that that other person did. I am terribly hard on myself when I fall for someone, I let them in, and then just out of nowhere they walk away; only to come back at some other time to tell me that they short circuited. I mean...your bad? I don't know what to say to that; if you did it once, in some cases more than once, you'll do it again. I don't want that, I don't want that uncertainty looming over me constantly.

Being right with myself, with my Lord, and with my past is what I've been working really hard on. I'm embarrassed of where I've come from and the things I've done. But that's exactly how I know that I've grown up too, and I've grown as a person, and I've grown as a woman. My past was shameful, but I've learned from it and I want to be better than it, even more, I want to be someone whom my daughter admires.

I know my true friends would like to see me find someone, I mean heck I'd like to find someone; cuddles aren't so great in a bed of one. But for the time, my life is still really good. I have great things to look forward to, one especially being Delila's future as we've started talking about colleges. If and when my time comes for someone special, I'll promise you this, it will be great and it will be cherished, but it has to be right by God.

Single isn't so bad, you can still have companionship without being in a relationship, and frankly, I've got some great companionship's with my friends.