Sorry, I'm at capacity for friendships

I was having a relationship conversation with my cousin today when he said something that I know I've heard before, it's just as I get older it seems more questionable. He said that if he was dating or talking to a girl and she decided that she just wanted to be friends with him, he would tell her no thanks because he has enough friends. I then started to quickly inventory the guys I've said this to and wondered how much of a jerk they thought I was. Even though I really do want to be friends with them. Can you really be at the capacity for friendships?

As my mother would say, I've dated more men then she can count. (Yeah, thanks "mother") Which is true because I don't usually stick around for garbage behavior, I won't allow anyone to cheat on me, and I also will not chase after love that just isn't there. With that being said, at 32, I know exactly what I want, don't want, will accept as quirks, and what I just won't compromise on. I will not date someone who isn't a Christian, who I can't go to church with, talk about God with, grow spiritually with, or have any type of religious conversation with. I won't do it. So when I meet a great guy, my first thought is 'Is this someone I can be friends with?' and then I wonder if there's chemistry. I recently went on several dates with a guy and spent some real time with him; we get along really well and find humor in pretty much most similar things, I started to notice a slight breakdown in communication. But the one occasion that stuck out was a conversation we had about religion, I was telling him about some things that were going on and I was hurt by jokes that were being made at the expense of religion itself. It was one of those disappointing hurts because you had hoped for something different. For being a little sensitive about passions he had, I felt like mine were being mocked.

So I tried to very kindly to say that I really enjoyed time with him but I felt like we might be better off friends. After a few days, we revisited the reasons why. I am not dishonest in who I am or how I feel. We still talk, I still want to hang out, but I date to marry and I can't date nor marry someone who doesn't share my beliefs. So then after my cousin's comments, I wondered, do men view the friendship card differently than women? Can anyone really be at the capacity for friendships or are we just too lazy to cultivate new ones? I, personally, couldn't have too many friends. In fact I don't have enough in life. Each person I know, I can find at least one positive thing about them that they bring to my life. I think that if the guys I've chosen to be friends with decided not to be, I would be disappointed because they are great guys, but it's their decision and I know that they would miss out on at least the one great thing I could bring to their lives.

Be friends people. Be friends, especially to your spouses and save the money on divorces or Ashley Madison accounts. To WANT to come home to someone who you can talk to and share your day with is amazing. I've had glimmers of it, and frankly some of you take each other for grated. Life isn't all glitter dust when you're single in your 30's. Let me tell you about the cheating ex I gave a second chance to, only to find out he ghosted me.... another time. And be kind, always. Someone very close to me has been continually mean to the point they publicly humiliated me and brought me to tears.

Be kind. Be friends. Remember, our kids have to grow up in this world. Romans 12:9, my loves, Romans 12:9.

Guys, When You

• When you, ask me out and then start a serious relationship in the same week - you make me feel like garbage.
• When you, are dating but text me to flirt, sext, and/or whatever you thought might happen - you make me feel like the other woman. Trash to be exact.
• When you, are "happily married" but you tell me that if you weren't you'd marry me - you make me feel like I'm just never good enough. 
• When you, were my friend first, before your girl cheated on you, but stopped talking to me because now she's the insecure one - you make me heartbroken for the past. 
• When you, repeatedly attempt to flirt with me and I don't play along, then allow your woman to attack me like I did something - you make me feel like I never knew who you really were. 
• When you, pop up when I'm in a relationship and act like I'd actually come back to you and your lies and cheating ways - you make me annoyed.  
• When you, use me for an ego boost and then disappear for months - you make me empowered to never do it again.
• When you, have to hide your messages from your girl - you make me relieved that I wasn't the one who ended up with you.
• When you, express how unhappy you are with her because she treats you terrible - you make me shrug my shoulders because you're the one who stays.
• When you, compare her to me and express your wishes - you make me confirmed that I've made the right decisions by not settling. 

Date with the intent to marry.

Date without sacrificing your morals. 

God needs to be first in your life and your relationships or all of the above with forever be your life. But it won't be mine.

I will not date a man who does not have God as a priority. No exceptions, I just won't do it again. It doesn't end well for my soul nor my heart. 

For all the negative ways guys have made me feel thru the above experiences, I've actually put a stop to it some time ago. 95% of women are all the same. No matter how gross I look, no matter how much I prove that I don't play into their guys fantasies or desires, no matter how much I remain platonic, I will always be the blonde hair, blue eye, flashy smile, girl that makes them wonder if I really am the other woman or not. I've even been in group settings where I am just conversant with a guy because he happened to be seated next to me at an event and his woman was so threatened that she was sure to pee in a circle around him and claim her property. I feel sorry for her, for you.

I'm not your run to fantasy. I'm not your old familiar flavor. I'm not a piece of meat. I get it, I was a lot more fun when I drank, but in my sobriety I've found peace, I've found myself, I've found I am an amazing woman to be with and it is in fact you who is missing out.

Ladies, I am sorry for these are your guys. I am sorry because I've been you, I've been with that guy who dates me but does all this behind me. I am sorry but know, I am not your enemy.


My verse for this blog is Joel 2:25