I was having a relationship conversation with my cousin today when he said something that I know I've heard before, it's just as I get older it seems more questionable. He said that if he was dating or talking to a girl and she decided that she just wanted to be friends with him, he would tell her no thanks because he has enough friends. I then started to quickly inventory the guys I've said this to and wondered how much of a jerk they thought I was. Even though I really do want to be friends with them. Can you really be at the capacity for friendships?
As my mother would say, I've dated more men then she can count. (Yeah, thanks "mother") Which is true because I don't usually stick around for garbage behavior, I won't allow anyone to cheat on me, and I also will not chase after love that just isn't there. With that being said, at 32, I know exactly what I want, don't want, will accept as quirks, and what I just won't compromise on. I will not date someone who isn't a Christian, who I can't go to church with, talk about God with, grow spiritually with, or have any type of religious conversation with. I won't do it. So when I meet a great guy, my first thought is 'Is this someone I can be friends with?' and then I wonder if there's chemistry. I recently went on several dates with a guy and spent some real time with him; we get along really well and find humor in pretty much most similar things, I started to notice a slight breakdown in communication. But the one occasion that stuck out was a conversation we had about religion, I was telling him about some things that were going on and I was hurt by jokes that were being made at the expense of religion itself. It was one of those disappointing hurts because you had hoped for something different. For being a little sensitive about passions he had, I felt like mine were being mocked.
So I tried to very kindly to say that I really enjoyed time with him but I felt like we might be better off friends. After a few days, we revisited the reasons why. I am not dishonest in who I am or how I feel. We still talk, I still want to hang out, but I date to marry and I can't date nor marry someone who doesn't share my beliefs. So then after my cousin's comments, I wondered, do men view the friendship card differently than women? Can anyone really be at the capacity for friendships or are we just too lazy to cultivate new ones? I, personally, couldn't have too many friends. In fact I don't have enough in life. Each person I know, I can find at least one positive thing about them that they bring to my life. I think that if the guys I've chosen to be friends with decided not to be, I would be disappointed because they are great guys, but it's their decision and I know that they would miss out on at least the one great thing I could bring to their lives.
Be friends people. Be friends, especially to your spouses and save the money on divorces or Ashley Madison accounts. To WANT to come home to someone who you can talk to and share your day with is amazing. I've had glimmers of it, and frankly some of you take each other for grated. Life isn't all glitter dust when you're single in your 30's. Let me tell you about the cheating ex I gave a second chance to, only to find out he ghosted me.... another time. And be kind, always. Someone very close to me has been continually mean to the point they publicly humiliated me and brought me to tears.
Be kind. Be friends. Remember, our kids have to grow up in this world. Romans 12:9, my loves, Romans 12:9.
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