May the Poor be Creative, and the Rich be Humble

Around the water cooler there is talk about how shallow women are that they only want a man who is well established. "She won't even look at someone who isn't making bank, driving a new car, and owns his own place." Women are gold diggers, only looking for someone to save them, always looking for someone to fix them, there aren't any good women left; and so on. Then I see women who show interest in men who are not necessarily these things. I see women who know where a man is in his life, they see his struggles, they understand that romance isn't and won't be $200 dinners; yet these women are rejected.

There never is a short on confusion when it comes to trying to figure out the opposite sex. I wonder if a lot of this has to do with the whole idea that both sexes have fallen out of sync with each other, and the roles they play in order to balance out each other. Go back with me to about the 1950's; women knew their roles, and men knew theirs. A woman was to stay home, take care of the home, her children, and her husband. To be presentable herself, to have the home presentable, and have dinner ready for when her husband returned was what she was to do. Men, they went to work, they took care of the bills, they took care of their families, they used their own hands to fix things, and they protected. It was a very careful balance and I know it didn't always work, but it also worked very well a lot of the time. And then the Miss Independents started to evolve. 

I am not in any way against a woman being independent of a man, I myself have been fully functioning without a man for the majority of my life. I do however, know that secretly hidden in my core is that woman from the 1950's if only those same men still existed. Regardless, for the longest time women pushed men away, they wanted to prove not only to themselves but to everyone that they in fact could and would do it on their own. So many women succeeded at this, and so many continue to do so. It's an important lesson to teach our daughters as we never know what path in life they will take. What I don't like seeing though is how hypocritical men can be towards women as a whole.

On a intimate level, I know that I've turned men off and away by being too independent. I hate asking for help even when I know I need it. I will very reluctantly accept it when it comes my way. I simply am use to doing it on my own that I don't want anyone to tell me that I can't. I also know that when it comes to getting to know a guy, I am one very accepting woman of what he may and may not have to offer. Life isn't always easy, for some the chips happen to fall pretty perfectly into place, and for others, the fight. They fight to survive from the beginning to the very end of their lives. Life is fickle like that.

I have learned, and what I would like for others who haven't made it to this point yet to learn, is that to find love, you cannot be so narrow minded. You can't live inside a box in your mind and expect someone to fit perfectly into it. We will never be a perfect society, we will only be perfect in love. I have dated and loved in the six figures and I have dated and loved in the minimum wage. Money does not create love nor does it solidify it. How we treat each other, how we accept each other, and how we build up each other, is how we will succeed in finding love, creating love, and solidify love. And not just with each other, but also for ourselves. Look beyond your blinders of perfect bodies, beyond your blinders of large bank accounts, look beyond the barriers that are holding you back from finding a good woman; or a good man for what it's worth. You don't have to throw out all the things you'd like to find in a partner but be willing to see a pearl that may still be hiding in an oyster.

Being a Ruby among Coals

Before the year started I had a conversation with a good friend about dating. We were discussing how it would be really nice for me to enter into a relationship this year after being single all of 2015, and having made some really good changes for myself. Like most people who are single at the beginning of any new year, I've been pondering the thought of trying online dating again. However, I know exactly what's there to offer and thanks, but no thanks. Plus it's not like I don't have guys that I'm interested in, there's just some things in the way.

Today my mom asked me if I've tried online dating. Yes, I have mom. Remember the guy I was dating for a couple years who wanted me to move in with him, except he was buying VS items and jewelry for another woman at the same time. Or the guy who told me he was a skin head after the second date. Or the guy who called me prude because I wouldn't make out with him, in public, in front of kids, on the first date. And most importantly, don't forget about all the guys in between who I've chatted with (or haven't wanted to chat with), who only end up ghosting me before and sometimes after all is said and done. 

I find it very hard to take any guy seriously who only texts me between the hours of 11 pm and 4 am, only to see if I'm up for, well you know. I don't want to get into any solid relationship with someone who doesn't have any values outside of the midnight drinking scene.

Not everyone is married. Not everyone has children or multiple of them. Not everyone looks forward to when they can party next. There are some of us out there who are in their 30's, with priorities, who know what they're looking for, and more importantly, what we aren't looking for.

Society is too focused on sex, money, status, and what someone does for a living that we're missing out on the people who are honest, loyal, and willing to give a commitment. We've thrown our values in the garbage so that we can live recklessly. I can't focus on the money you earn, the car you drive, or the newest gadget you just had to have, if you're a complete jerk to a stranger on the street. If you can't have compassion and compromise, if you can't stay faithful; you're material possessions just won't impress me.

Now, if you're a romantic, that will impress me and melt me. If you value a woman's worth, if you carry good and traditional values, if you're faithful, all of those will impress me till the end.

Hello, my name is Single

I am not your Netflix and chill girl. I hate the fact that that has become the term for hooking up. Some of us, legitimately just want to hang out and watch some random stuff. Honestly, if I'm going to Netflix and chill, it's going to be by myself, where I can unwind and watch whatever I want to watch uninterrupted.

I am not the girl that you can call in the middle of the night. I'm not the girl that will be your secret, and I'm certainly not the girl you can love while you date someone else. My value is worth more than that. I don't want to be mocked for the things I enjoy, the compassion I have for my friends, or shamed for how easily pleasure comes to me and how often I want it to.

I am the girl that wants to be asked out, the girl that wants you to be able to make a decision, tell me when to be ready, and be able to take control of a situation. I am the girl that will meet you for brunch, instead of the bar or club only after the veil of darkness has fallen. I am the girl that enjoys flea markets, going to church, road trips, trying new foods, places, and experiences that I'm able to share with other people. I'm the girl who likes to cook and give thoughtful gifts, the girl who likes to dance in the kitchen and plan out new adventures to try, and the girl who wants to laugh about me jumping out of a plane although we still never know if I'll ever actually do it. I'm the girl that wants to see the things you enjoy and learn to maybe enjoy them with you. I want someone who can take me outside of my comfort zone, and I do the same for them. 

I am also the girl that has goals, that is focused on making sure that I raise a child that succeeds in life, and the girl that will not be stuck in one place for the rest of her life. I'm the girl who has experienced relationships to their fullest to know that the value of a good partnership is incredibly important, and that each person has to work to make sure their partner is happy. I'm the girl that can raise children, have a career or stay home, cook and clean while I'm building furniture. I've been solo long enough to know how to survive and thrive on my own, but also I know that when that right one comes along, he'll be cherished with classic values, the way our grandparents and their parents lived by.

I'm the girl that wants to be free to get tattooed but see the strength of someone who can carry me over the puddles of life. My heart's still not whole from losing my brother, but every last piece pours out more love than you could ever know. I work hard to be good to myself so that I'm better for those around me.

Toto, we're not in Accounting anymore

I'm having a really hard time at work lately and it seems like it only continues to get harder. While I have a very tough exterior, internally it's making me question everything about myself.

When I started there, things were really good, the longer I'm there, the more it pushes me to abandon my sobriety on a very serious level. Besides all of the completely unfair things that I see and hear about that go on, and how I wonder multiple times a day how many there still even have a job, it's my personal encounters that are really bothering me.

Just before the Thanksgiving break there were only a select few of us in the office and the department that I head up, so as a gift, I bought 6 people small bottles of Patron. It was always my absolute favorite, so I wanted to share since I couldn't or wouldn't enjoy it. I wanted to show and told them of my appreciation for them. Everyone seemed very appreciative.

After we returned from the break, one guy in said department was acting very differently towards me. Was just giving me a whole lot of attitude and just kind of being a jerk. I let it go continually but it just kept getting worse. As of recently he has decided to quit and move out of state, but not without a few parting words. At the nudge of someone else, who frankly is much more than just a drama starter, he's more of the grand master of all shit storms, there was a "talk it out" between me and this kid with the attitude. And by talk it out, I mean he pretty much just laid into me with much exaggeration to the real events. When I asked him what the real problem was and said we left for Thanksgiving, he hugged me for the Patron and things were good, his response was "well yeah I just thought about it and it all bothered me". His problem mostly is that I keep writing him up, except what he fails to understand is that when he messes up, the President and the owner of the company tell me to write him up; or anyone else for that matter that screws up. I cannot not do my job to spare someone's feelings. He blamed me for him not getting raises, except he wasn't getting raises because he punches in late nearly every single day. It was a very long, him invading my personal space too much, finger pointing, lack of self acceptance, ass chewing -- on my lunch break -- ugh.

So fine. We hashed it out, we hugged it out, and while I told him I've never gone out of my way to try to be rude to him nor did I every truly intend to piss him off (about 30 times in 10 minutes), it's all said and done with. However, how very typical of a guy, especially a guy in his early 20's. One minute things are good, you're laughing and joking, hug and spend some time away. And when you regroup, all the sudden they've decided they can't stand you. Frankly, I'm over it.

Then there was yesterday. I was leaving the Art Department when one of the guys from the warehouse, I think he's a Manager but I'm not sure of what, motions me back into the Art Department and closes the door. I thought he wanted to talk about a larger run of backpacks with me and art, because earlier in the day he was at my desk talking about it. Oh man! Was I sorely mistaken.

He starts out by telling me that the comment he made earlier up front wasn't meant to hurt my feelings and he felt really bad about it. I look at the girl in the Art Department completely confused, and asked him what comment. His foot was in his mouth. He filled me in about the comment, that I didn't even hear in the first place and backed it up with how pissed off he's been at me and not speaking to me for the last two months. Also, news to me; that just pissed him off more. At that very moment, I knew I was in a no win situation.

 I had zero idea that this guy was being rude to me, ignoring me, and not just pissed off with me but enraged with me. What the hell is wrong with me that I don't even notice this about people?!? I mean, I know that currently in my personal life, it's a very narrow frame of mind I'm existing in and emotionally there's not just a lot going on, but there's a lot I'm trying to suppress, but holy dang!

Here's the thing that you have to understand, until lately I was always so completely busy in my position that on a normal day, taking a bathroom break was just about impossible to do. Guys come in and out of the front office from the warehouse all the time. If it's not related to screen printing, they don't talk to me; one of us tries to mainly handle core products and I mainly try to handle screen printing as far as customer service. So for me to notice that someone isn't talking to me, it would literally have to be one of my guys in screen printing.

So this guy goes on and on about how I accused him of stealing and got him into to a huge fight with the President. **Disclaimer, in October we were running a job for a customer with the Bears logo and mascot, I was assisting in production because the job was so large. Towards the end, I saw several extra shirts sitting off to the side. When I asked one of the guys (guy number one from above) if we needed to box and ship, he informed me they were for some of the guys in the warehouse. They took some of our in house blank stock shirts and threw them in the run with this Bears order. And furthermore gave me a list of who was all getting shirts, of which guy number two from this blog was on that list.

Now I was fairly new to the company still and I really didn't want to make any bad blood, however, the President had handed that department off to me to head up and before I said anything to him I talked to the girl in the Art Department, whom of which is the President's wife. I trust her and I didn't know what to do. After a lot of discussion, I had to inform the President of what I knew or had heard. He said, before it becomes an issue, he just wants to see what the Managers know.

That's all I ever heard of that. No one ever said anything after that to me about it. What I didn't know is that the President didn't ask but accused them and this guy took it like he had a yeast infection. As he's explaining why he isn't speaking to me, I explain to him that his name was given to me by someone in that department and I didn't accuse anyone, however what had happened was against company policy. Geez, I'm a nark. Whatever, there's so much more to this too as to why it was a huge issue for the guys to be doing this.

So he says his peace (most of which he was lying to my face about), and I say mine and also apologize. He says he's been trying as of late to talk to me more but wants me to know he isn't speaking to me. I said okay and he leaves. Only to open the door right back up, call me a bitch, and then leave again.

Now today, he's going out of his way to be completely rude to me. He's saying things openly in front of people and being a jerk just because I didn't notice for two months that he was ignoring me. I'm so confused, are you trying to talk to me again, are you ignoring me, or are you trying to truly hurt my feelings? Because today, the latter was very true.

Whether they're in their 20's or they're grown and in their 40's, they're the same. For the last several years, I've been trying to figure out when guys became so incredibly sensitive. You have a job, if you come to work, do your job and don't screw up, then there are no problems. I come to work, I do my job, I deal with all sorts of customers some of which are so rude I could walk out. I deal with production guys who have attitudes, women in the office who get mad when I ask them to do their job.... let me tell you what I don't get. I don't get told by my boss that I'm not doing my job, I don't get written up for screwing up, I don't get grouped into situations that may potentially get me into trouble.

I don't care what your gender is but grow up. We are adults, at our jobs. Do that. Do your job, stop acting like you're in high school. The workplace isn't a popularity contest, it's a place that you should contribute to the growth of so that in turn, your paycheck grows. I pull out all my work ethic to make sure that the department that I was asked to take over, succeeds, does well, and is profitable. That's my job.

Now back to my regularly scheduled program, of suppression and narrow frame of mind.