Never Spoken

Over the course of a year or more, some time ago, I jotted down these quick individual notes about someone in a notebook. It wasn't until today that I found them. 

The moments come back to me in pieces. 

Sometimes it feels like there's a movie playing 

out in my own head. I've known you for more years 

than I can remember, but it hasn't been until now that 

I've really felt like I know you. 

Growing up I always felt that you saw past me 

rather than seeing me; mostly my own perception 

of how I saw myself, I'm sure. I watched you live 

and every time I did it was painful. 

I always feared for you because you 

knew how to enjoy your life, 

but I worried that fun would take you away. 

I always saw amazing potential in you. 

I still do. 

 

Years, time, and distance were things 

that happened, almost without really realizing it. 

And then there you were again. And just like 

when we were young, just like in high school, 

just like today, my heart beats again when you are near. 

 

I remember a time we were going to the movies, 

like we always do, and in your empty and clean 

backseat sat a Bible. We hadn't yet shared a kiss, 

but in that moment, I could have kissed you 

for the rest of the night. 

 

Every time you put on your glasses, 

usually to drive, I have to fight 

the flood of emotions I feel for you. 

Everything you do I find makes you 

more attractive to me and I like it. 

 

I adore you. 

I just simply do. 

And I tell you without 

telling you too much. 

 

You are so profoundly 

intellectually stimulating, 

while also being my safe and quiet place 

if I need be. 

 

Being your guest out at public events is delightful. 

It may be a lot of the fact that we get along well 

and I enjoy time with you but you're very attentive 

and courteous to me. 

 

You & me, 

we jive well.

 

I don't think I'll ever be able to 

adequately express not only how much 

I hoped your life turned out well, 

but also how proud of you for the 

person you've become. 

How often is it that the things we think, we actually say?

 

The grammar isn't up to par but doesn't need to be when notes are taken in moments of remembrance. I didn't alter any of it to make myself look better, instead I left them as they are as a lesson for myself and others. Our feelings, good or bad, left unsaid, leave us in states of wonderment. 

It was everything that she never said.