I can't. I just literally can't right now. As if struggling with the weight of being solo right now isn't enough, tonight I get a flat and I'm stranded for three hours. I am so completely over things being complicated, and I'm so over having to ask for help. I'd love to have a partner in crime, in life, in friendship, and in love.
While I sit and wait for a tow, I have to ask a friend for a ride home. A home where I'll literally be stranded tomorrow and while waiting I got the wrath from work for letting my boss know that I may not make it in tomorrow. He literally said "I highly recommend you be at work tomorrow" as well as "I don't know what you have to do to get to work". A vehicle, a vehicle since I live 40 minutes from work would be helpful. It's as though life literally wants me to take a long walk off a short pier.
What frustrates me even more as I sit here is that I wonder, why the hell am I so sensitive to life's hurdles lately?! I know I'm tougher than how I think and more importantly feel lately, but somehow everything brings me to tears. This flat tire pushes me over the edge from drama at work that I so desperately want to change and/or run from. Top it off, I'm pretty sure I have feelings where feelings don't belong. Someone clearly stole my balls because I'm acting way too much like a girl.
Then there's drinking which I would like to be able to enjoy again, but it seems like if I do people's views would change. I didn't need AA to stop drinking, I don't know why I would need it now to drink again. Plus nearly the entire world drinks, and the surmountable pressure when you don't couldn't ever possibly be put into words. I stopped drinking because of how I felt, because of what I was hiding, so if there's reason to continue to being sober, then I'd like to know what those are.
I think this is a good weekend to take a Mommy timeout and chill the F out! It's a long extended weekend for the holiday, and I am just too afraid of who I am becoming because I am allowing the stress to break me down to such a low level. There are many reasons why I need a new job however after talking to a friend tonight, I think the fact that it jeopardizes my sobriety is the number one reason why I need to move on.
Fear not faithful readers, there is always a silver lining to my life, your life, and any life. The joys of friendships are upon us.
I think this is a good weekend to take a Mommy timeout and chill the F out! It's a long extended weekend for the holiday, and I am just too afraid of who I am becoming because I am allowing the stress to break me down to such a low level. There are many reasons why I need a new job however after talking to a friend tonight, I think the fact that it jeopardizes my sobriety is the number one reason why I need to move on.
Fear not faithful readers, there is always a silver lining to my life, your life, and any life. The joys of friendships are upon us.
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