In.so.mania

I can't sleep tonight because you're with me. You're in my heart, you're in my mind, you're in the darkness behind my closed eyes. Sleep still scares me although I do my best, what I can't control is the brokenness. 

I shouldn't have to think this hard to hear your voice. I'd give anything for one more word, one more moment, where you wouldn't let me be this broken. The days move in slow motion, each minute ticks by with every lingering memory that I keep deep inside. Every laugh we shared, every punch we threw, every fight we had, every secret we kept, and every moment we loved I always knew you were there. 

I never for once took any moment for granted. I always knew it wouldn't last forever, but I pushed it aside and always begged God to let us have you instead. 

My favorite person lost. My favorite brother gone. 3 is no longer my favorite number. I now dread February instead of making it my Christmas. A month for my broken heart, a holiday with no meaning, and another not worth celebrating. 

I can't imagine the peace you have, if you sent me even just the smallest piece of that, I'd try to not be so broken.